How To Talk To People: Better Communication Skills

　　Hello and welcome to videojug. I'm Rebekah Fensomeand I'm a life coach. Being a great communicator is important in allareas in our life, whether we are talking to our opponents, our friendsor our work colleagues. Being able to inspire other individuals withyour communication allows you to have a more fruitful and enrichinglife. Here are my top tips to be a good communicator。

　　Step 1: Use open-ended questions 使用开放式问题  

　　In order to get communication going, it's really usefull to useopen-ended questions. Open-ended questions often start with words suchas 'what',‘how', ‘when', and ‘why'。

　　An example of open-ended question is:

　　—"So What do you like do in your spare time?"—"I love cinema, theater and sports."

　　It's best to avoid what we call 'closed questions'. An example of close question is:

　　—"Do you like films?"—”Yes，I do."

　　A closed questions kills the conversation. Because it could be onlyanswered with the yes or no answer. Therefore using this open-endedquestions will ensure that the conversation continues to flow。

　　我们常常以问题来开始一段与陌生人的谈话，提出一个巧妙的问题也需要技巧。为了让谈话能顺利持续，最好使用开放式问题，即那些能让回答问题的人有一些发挥空间，而不是只能回答“是”或“不”的问题。

　　Step 2: Active Listening 积极倾听  

　　This is a really usefull technique, as it tells the other person, youreally listen to what they've been saying. and also more importantly,that you've understood. 

　　—"The hours are quite long, the work's really repetitive. My boss doesn't appreciate me." —(nod)"Hm…“

　　If you've been listening actively, at this point you should now be able to summarise what the individuals has just told you。

　　—"It's sounds like you aren't really satisfied with your job anymore."

　　人们常说：“倾听比表达更重要。”在与人交流中更是如此。在使用英语的情况下，人每分钟能听到并接受至少300个词所带来的信息量，但只能说出100到175个词。这种存在于表达和倾听间的差异容易引起你的心不在焉，对谈话者可是很不礼貌的哦！要做到积极倾听，首先要有目的性地去听别人讲的内容：表达抱怨？解决问题？还是寻求支持？其次，用复述或概括对方谈话的内容来表明，你在听，而且听明白了。同时，点头等肢体语言也是积极倾听的表现哦。

　　Step 3: Create a 'cocoon' 想象相对封闭的交流氛围

　　Sometimes when people are talking to us, wefind it hard to concentrate on what they're saying。It might be thatthere are background noise. In order to help you with this, visualise a cocoon around. This will allows you to focus in everywhere that they are saying to you。

　　谈话时难免有外界因素干扰，如果你觉得难以集中，就想象一个虚拟的“蚕茧”把你和谈话对象包裹起来吧！想象它把外界一切干扰都挡在外面，使用心理暗示让你集中于谈话。在心里复述对方的话语也会帮你不致在嘈杂的环境里走神。

　　Step 4: Engage with the other person 专注于谈话  

　　Is someone trying to engage you in conversation? Your body language is really important。

　　—"Tom, I need your advice." —”Huh?"

　　Don't continue with the task you are already doing. Don't shout the answer over your shoulder。

　　—"Tom, Tom I need your advice."—"Alright, and…“

　　Instead what you need to do is stop what you'redoing, turn around and face the individual and give them the time theydeserve。

　　—"Tom, I need your advice."—"Of course, what is it?"

　　Good communication style is when you really engaged with the other individual。

　　当有人找你谈话的时候，请不要背对着回应他。暂停手头的工作，转过身去，倾听他人的要求。记得还要使用丰富的身体语言，直视对方的眼睛，微笑着和对方说话(如果他是在抱怨什么的话就免了吧)，这些细节都能体现你对他的尊重。

　　Step 5: Don’t make assumptions 不要武断地推断别人的想法

　　Don't jump conclusions when you have a conversationwith someone. Don't assume you know what they are thinking or feelingabout a particular topic。

　　—"I seem to alright with that."

　　Instead, it is much better to ask them, if theywere OK with this, if they feel alright about that. You really need totake it into consideration that person's thoughts and beliefs, ratherthan put your own thought and feelings on them。

　　不要假想你完全知晓他人的想法和感情，不同的人对事物的看法和感觉可能完全不同。在表达自己的想法之前，最好先问问对方的感受，以免在无意间伤害了对方。

　　Step 6: Aviod antagonistic sentences 避免使用对抗性语句 

　　An exampleof antogonistic sentence is:

　　—"You are sitting in my chair!"

　　An antagonistic sentence can be seen as a form ofattack, so it's much better, more constructive instead your sentencesuch as:

　　—"Excuse, I think you've taken my seat."

　　This is less confrontational, which would mean your life is full of less conflicts。

　　如果要和某人谈论一个容易引发争执的话题，避免使用对抗性的语句。比如“你怎么老是拿这种事来烦我？”“你根本不懂我！”等等。这些话除了让你宣泄情绪，对于谈话结果毫无帮助，还会引发不必要的争吵。使用和缓的语气和礼貌的句子，既能收到良好的效果，又能体现一个人的教养和风范。

　　当然，技巧只能起到辅助作用，与人交流中，一颗真诚的心才是成功的关键。

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